The Shira Ruskay Center

We have gathered below some inspirational notes received from people directly impacted by the work of the Shira Ruskay Center, families of terminally ill patients and Doula volunteers...

From Family Members:

"Many people helped us along the way, and so my father had a good life and a great death. I am particularly grateful to you for all your efforts on our behalf... and for the excellent service you gave my father and me at the critical moment. The support, data, and behind-the-scenes work you provided contributed immensely to our well-being and my father's longevity... he was very happy to be home for the seven months after he left the hospital."

-- Hannah (Daughter of a patient)

"There is so much that you offered me at a time of such intense crises. As Jerry's physical condition deteriorated, I felt the realization that I would have to make decisions on my own. It was a scary place to be. I didn't feel that I had the full support from doctors who seemed unwilling to confront the reality of Jerry's illness and its impact on all of us. I couldn't discuss things freely with family members, and wasn't sure what to say to the children. Jerry had always taken charge in decision making. Now, for the first time, he was incapable. It was frightening. I knew of the value of hospice and wanted to take the steps necessary to have closure but it seemed so insurmountable at the time. With your help, I gained clarity, objectivity and direction. It made sense of the situation. There was relief in knowing that we would have a new support system available to us. We could be there for Jerry wholeheartedly, with compassion and care. There was comfort for all of us, too."

-- Rhonda (Wife of a patient)

"My only sister, Ruth, was gravely ill. Ruth lived by herself on the top floor of a four-story walk-up. I use a wheelchair. Mother was in her 90's. There is nothing more devastating than a loved one alone and in pain--except being unable to reach her. But the Shira Ruskay Center could reach her. And they did. When I phoned the first time, I heard the voice of kindness, reason, support. Harriet made suggestions that assisted me and my sister throughout those months of turmoil. When we seemed lost and chaos reigned, Harriet handled everything we couldn't. She called on the exceptional services from JBFCS and provided us with so much that we needed. My sister had aides, social workers, ambulance services, food, love and caring--all with a Jewish orientation. I had a person I called "Friend" who I could contact at anytime for help, knowledge, and comforting. I will be grateful to Harriet and the Shira Ruskay Center all my days."

-- Carol (Sister of a patient)

From Doula Volunteers:

"I saw B., my client, for a little while yesterday, and I am going again tomorrow, Saturday. I hadn't seen him for several days. The hospice is clean and comfortable, of course, but grim for B. Given time, I know that B. and I can build good relationship. He is a very pleasant man, and he appreciates the company. I am not certain how long he will last, however. His skin is turning sallow. Melissa said he was failing. B. is the perfect Doula client, I think in terms of his need for someone to share his experience. Thank you again for letting me into the program."

"My patient has been hospitalized several times in the last month. She is still having great difficulty swallowing and as she continues to lose weight and her health declines, she is losing her independence. She is visited by a home health aid a few times of week but is very resistant about considering hospice and the benefits associated with this service. Her friends and cousins seem to be visiting more frequently. She continues to wear a red bindle bracelet I gave her for Hanukah; she seems very taken with the meaning and shows me at each visit that she has not taken it off, emphasizing that it comforts her and makes her feel closer to the memory of her parents."

"M. and I share casual interests (poetry, politics, etc), and also more spiritual ones—we are both practicing (but not dogmatic) Catholics with strong bent towards Buddhism. I have gotten to know her local Priest, with whom she is very close—and that seems to give her comfort, that I know her primary spiritual guide.

When I first met M, she was very angry at her Western medical practitioners, feeling that they were still pushing cure when she wanted care. Now that she is in Hospice Care (in-patient and out-patient) she seems more accepting of the doctors.

In general, she is declining physically, and improving emotionally/mentally: more accepting, more open to her death. Although she does not cry in front of me, however, she has started telling me she is ‘crying often, but not sad.’ This is something we have just begun to explore."

"I call E. my love project. She’s frail, in her mid-eighties, unable to use her hands or to speak more than one or two words at a time. I see my job as simply to be as loving a presence for her as possible. She has trouble talking, like stroke victims sometimes do. Her words become garbled and it is difficult to understand whole sentences. Trying to speak seemed to both frustrate and exhaust her... I had noticed from photos on her wall that not very long ago E. was obese. Now she is very, very thin. As we ‘talked’ (I ask questions and she shakes her head), I was a little more direct in my questions. I wanted to make sure I was creating an opportunity for her to discuss any end-of-life concerns she might have, but unable to articulate. She does not know that I know she has cancer. I’m not even sure if she knows the extent of her illness. I reminded her of my own cancer and the fears and worries that I had at the time. I talk about prayer and about making sure those people I love know that I love them. I confessed that there was an ulterior motive to my questions. I wanted to make sure that I was giving her a chance to discuss whatever was on her mind. She said ‘I like our meetings.’ Then there was a pause. She must have been gathering strength. She spoke in a strong, clear voice the longest sentence I'd ever heard her make. ‘I don't think I can put into words all of my feelings about your visits.’ I knew at that moment we were bound."

©2008 The Shira Ruskay Center
120 West 57th Street · New York, NY 10019
Phone: (212) 664-1632 · Fax: (212) 399-2475 ·
[JBFCS site] [Jewish Connections Programs]